convicted or 无罪释放 (hw do u say this in eng?)

e weekend been a killer for me, all the time!!!
almost murdered myself (again). apparently i survived,
not sure if i've committed manslaughter though...

dont know when i can truly outgrown those.
yep a lot more to learn down the road...
and i wont hesitate to admit my mistakes.

be it my egoism or self-centreness or plain immaturity..
when things go bad, i can only see things from my
narrow perspective, what's more with a truckload of reasoning?
it's like they flow oh so naturally~~~
hence, why wld i even think i'm wrong?

that resulted nights of tearing, blaming and imagining...
literally 自导自演. think he seriously cant be bothered.
i was pathetically desperate for a response, and
i'll say anything for one. i think i can quite creative,
(fr watching a lot of drama serials)
and that can be really really bad...

what exactly happened？

he just doesnt feel like talking at the moment. and...
"i cldnt accept the fact that he doesnt feel like talking to ME"
i've probably disillusioned myself long enough
that i think im really a goddess or what?
sighh

everyone has his temper and way of handling..
i better remember that.

insecure, imaginative, low self-esteem are
my other lethal accomplice.

been over a year, not long but what we experienced were immense..
the lowest moment of my life was also where i felt ur love most...
most dreaded yet missed.. thks :)

i muz kick the habit of mentioning abt 'giving up' *slaps mouth*
yes even if U cant stand my indecisiveness, my untidiness,
my laziness, my stupidity.... and I cldnt stand ur stinky temper,
ur haughtiness, ur crudeness, ur fat ass (kiddin') etc.,
we gotta be patient with each other.. compromise.. learn.. improve..
and if all those failed.. we shld still hold on.. and try to Accept.

other than a change of heart, everything else can be worked out.
that is if we want to. right?

having said so much.. somehw i cldnt diminish this fear in me..
that i cld hv been wrong to perceive ur sudden coldness
as something not so severe..

i mean, is there anything else that happened?
are u still the same u?

the past 2 weeks been quite disastrous.
despite wanting to cherish those moments the best we could,
we ruthlessly made the worst out of it.
me 1st, then him.
almost cldnt take it. sigh

anw, we'll hv less chance to piss* each other off fr today onwards.
other than nt seeing each other** phonecalls too :(

shitz im knocking out soon.

*also means sayang
**excl. necessarily planned dates